As a Whackk! faithful would know, we’re about to complete two full years of Whackk! soon. About time we let you know about a teensy little secret. People, people who’re not a part of the Whackk! team, often wonder about how we decide on our cover stories and other articles. Do we have super cool secret meetings at secret hide-outs and stuff? We’ll burst that bubble right now. NO, we don’t. Generally our cover stories are a reflection of an event or the general mood of our lives. ‘Our’ being, the two people who write your cover story. Do your research, find out who we are!
So where was I? Ya, the cover stories are generally inspired by our own personal lives. Pretty selfish, you may say, but then looks like we’re pretty interesting people. Going by the popularity of most of our covers. But, this story is special. It comes inspired not by our personal experience only, but by the frustration of the entire sperm bearing gender. The frustration of being woman-handled and confused and used and abused! We’re going to make it easy for our brothers in suffering.
So how do you deal with these mind numbing, pocket money sucking vampires. Simple, brah, just read on :
This female will confuse the last drop of logic juice out of your head. She will seem to like you one day, adore you on another and then one fine day when you finally start falling for it and make your move with all your repressed excitement, she will go “I never thought of you in THAT way”.
WHAT WAY BITCH, WHAT WAY?!!
She will keep you in the loop of her life events and make you feel like the all important person, practise her obvious-bad flirting skills on you. And when for once practice does make the woman perfect, you figure out that it was all saved up for someone else.
You go back to sites like whackk minus the extra ‘k’. (What, you still haven’t tried it? Try karneka, bantai)
Solution : Have a breezer and tell her “No woman no cry”
Liquid from ‘Pyaar ka punchnaama’ comes to mind.
Believe it or not but every girl, every-damn-girl, assigns certain guys in her circles specific jobs to do be done for her. She will never say it out loud but it’s like a subtle unsaid deal. Every girl has an unpaid driver, walking companion, makes-me-laugh guy, cry-on-shoulders guy and yada yada. Let’s accept it, we’ve all played these roles for someone at some point (if you have been all of them rolled together and still not gotten lucky, you don't deserve to exist). A big blow to our masculine ego, but it is so damn true. It’s like you scratch my back, I scratch yours. Only, you won’t even get anywhere close to holding her pinky, let alone scratching or doing any other things to her back.
Solution : Have some beer and tell her “No woman no cry”
Have you known a girl who’s just plain likeable for reasons more than one. We’re so used to half decent looking girls having truckloads of attitude than when such a girl comes minus the sho-shaa, she just seems so nice. Yeah well, I just defined Miss Congeniality for you. She’s liked by everyone. Or so she likes to think. She will not want to upset anyone for the sole reason of losing a fan. It’s like collecting ‘likes’ on her facebook profile picture. The more the merrier, even if it comes from absolute trash fucks. Problem starts when you figure out that she gives so much of a fuck about what people think that she’ll never do that what actually matters the most. For herself, or for the people who actually care or love her. She wouldn’t want to lose you or any other douche for that matter. And this leads to stupid conflicts.
Solution : 5 shots of good ‘ol Tequila and say the magic words to her. “No woman no cry”
You thought calculus was difficult? This girl will redefine calculations for all the men she gets involved with. Most of these involvements being simultaneous. This devil-sent calculates each and every one of her moves. Looking absolutely innocent and clueless all this while. She’ll manipulate you with what’s now more commonly known as the puppy face. More like a bitch face, if you ask me. She cuts a sorry or an extremely cute, harmless figure most times and men fall for it in hordes. You’ll think that she’s ‘the one’ while in her mind she goes :
Solution : Smoke some up and dope-dial her. You now know what to tell her, right? But I’m gonna type it coz I’m loving it! “No woman no cry”
That’s basically every damn woman besides you mom in your life. A big bad mistake. Heard of this epic show called ‘Entourage’? Noticed how many times they try to pass this golden message to you? In every season, every time a girl enters the lives of the bunch of boys, things just go from so perfect to so damn screwed up. That for me was the underlying motive of creating the whole show. And art follows life.
So remember, screw women. Yeah, literally, screw them. But never get attached. Because then they’ll screw you over.
You heard it here first, on Whackk!
Solution : LSD, ACID, whatever works for you man!