Last year, the Choo Awards created quite a stir. We even got calls from a lot of winners threatening to sue us before we could say ‘Lawyer’. But as it turns out most of them were too cheap to spend a fortune on more lawsuits. Or maybe they got scared of us.
We were really thinking of making this a grand TV thing with performances by KRK and all. But then budget kam pad gaya. So here are, celebrating the lame. Presenting, the Choos of 2011 :
The Biggest Wannabe of the Year Award
1. Shah Rukh Khan : Ra.one? Really? The watchman outside Bachchan’s bungalow would look more convincing as a superhero.
2. Digvijay Singh : I have a strong feeling that this guy is actually an undercover rapper. He just wont stop talking man!
3. Ramdev Baba : The baba set out to do something hardcore. But then it was clear that he needed some tuition in public speaking and politician handling by Anna.
4. All the Bigg Boss contestants : The defending champions of this award. The Bigg Boss casting team seems to be outdoing itself each year in getting wannabees on their show.
WINNER : BIGG BOSS contestants. The defending champions will not let go of their title so easily.
Most Killa Movie of the Year
1. Impatient Vivek : THe trailors of this movie ran on the screens at Mc Donalds for months. The tagline read : “When Patience Gets Over”. Ingenius! I don’t know how it still bombed at the BO.
2. Ra.One : Bas, ab mera mooh na khulwana.
3. Mujhse Fraaandship karoge : That ‘Dyaaon dhyaaon’ was lame in such epic proportions that this movie made it as a Choo nomination.
4. Twilight : breaking dawn : I tried watching it in hindi. No, it’s still sad!
5. Zokkomon : That kid Darsheel needs some career counselling from Amir for real.
WINNER : Ra.one. They don’t get much more disappointing than this one. SRK. Big budget. Kareena. Akon. It would have been harder for these guys to make a disaster than a masterpiece. Somehow, they succeeded.
The KeWlEsT ad of the Year
2. Wildstone : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHmJU4JQsgg
3. Indica Vista : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxYz-ehYEWU&feature=player_embedded
4. Boro Plus : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is7fiwQZVlk
WINNER : Boro Plus.
Oh god! Hideous. I didn’t know they still made such shady ads. If they could hire Kareena’s services, I’m sure they had the money to hire a better ad agency. Or atleast a better make up man. The guy’s cheeks literally look smeared with lipstick for god’s sake. And the song, the song.....
The Future of India
1. Dhanush : At the rate he’s going, the Sonu Nigams and Shaans should feel threatened.
2. Jeje Lalpekhlua : Football player touted as the next big thing since two years now. Yeah, we’re waiting for you to blossom.
3. Lalu Prasad Yadav : The number of MPs from his party may be on the decline every term, but Lalu’s dream of being the P.M still stands. His speeches are also getting funnier. Future P.M?
4. Rahul Dravid : He may be in his late thirties but the way he’s playing makes us wonder if he’s anywhere close to being done. The wall may well stand tall for plenty more years to come.
WINNER : DHANUSH
This dude got to dine with the president (or was it the P.M) because of one damn song. One song is all it took. Being related to Rajnikant in some way helps too. Cinema ka bhavishya hai yeh banda!
Rising Sports Stars
1. Somdev Devburman : What can I say? His only realistic chance of winning matches is at the Chennai Open
2. Sania Mirza : What? She’s still playing tennis? Why?
3. Manoj Tiwary/ Badrinath/ Shikhar Dhawan : They rise with the IPL, fall with the very next international match.
4. Armaan Ebrahim : Once touted as the brightest driving prospect to have come from the country, seems to have disappeared somewhere. Now we even have an F1 team (Force India), an Indian GP, but where the hell are the Indian drivers?
WINNER : Sania Mirza
Why, I ask, why are you still paying Ma’am?
The Most Whattay Channel of the Year
1. Zee Sports : Their best bet is the I-League. hahahahaha
2. Bindass : No matter how many new ‘Big Switch, Big XYZ’ shows they bring out, people still wanna see emotional attyachaar and emotional attyachaar only.
3. India TV : This award was made for this channel. Defending champs!
4. Filmy : These guys have to stop playing re-runs of Indra the tiger!! I end up watching it everytime. Tamil movies dubbed in hindi are the shizz!
Winner : India TV - This is the second time in a row that they have won this not-so-prestigious award. And I don’t see them losing anytime in the near future. * Women wailing in the background*
Outstanding Creativity Award 2010
........goes to the creators of Simi Girewaal’s India’s most desirable
Kickass TV Shows
1. India’s Most Desirable : Simi made the country cringe. She even went to the extent of flirting with actors half her age. ew!
2. MTV Rock on : w.a.n.n.a.b.e
This show is encompasses everything a good rock band must NOT do.
3. Love Lockup : Bindass thought it’d be fun to lock up a couple and watch them fight to death. They forgot that every household already witnesses that everyday.
4. Up Close & Personal with PZ : A friend just told me that Priety Zinta had a chat show and I was like “WHAT? “. No one knew when it came and went away. Apparently she’s planning a second season too. hahahaha
5. Love 2 Hate You : You thought roadies and bigg boss looked fake and scripted? This show tells you how scripted a show can get. And the ‘stars’ they get on the show are people we couldn’t give a lesser fuck about. KRK is soon to shoot an episode for this show.
WINNER : Up Close And Personal With PZ : If the makers of this show are reading this, then this is a hint for you. Don’t even think about going ahead with the second season. And what’s with the creative name? And why does call herself PeeZee? Is Zee TV paying you for that thing?