The advent of smart phones like the iPhone and Androids has shook up the gadget market like never before. You know why?
‘Coz that shit is friggin’ AWE-some.
And what’s the best thing about these smart phones?
As soon as these phones hit the market, so did a lot of interesting apps. Since then the number of purely kick-ass apps have only gone up. From the useful (texting sweet nothings like “Love You” or “Miss You” or “Thinking About You” to your loved one at the touch of a button) to the absurd (counting the number of labour contractions), there are apps for everything. Well, almost.
There are games, rickshaw fare calculators, weird picture editors and blah blah blah. Now you must be expecting us to list down the best apps for your phone here. But that’s not what it’s gonna be. Because that would be common and lame.
And contrary to popular belief, we’re not lame.
Not convincing enough? Bah!
Never mind. So we thought of a few apps that would make our lives much more easier. Not only easier, with these apps, we’d be pimpin’ in the truest sense of the word. Heh, now you’re all curious. Innit?
So we thunk and thunk and came up with the following list of what we call ‘The Fantasy Apps’. ‘Fantasy’, because it’d be very very difficult to create these apps. Not with the current technology available. But sometime in the near future when coders take inspiration from this article and actually develop these apps, they’ll remember us. They’ll worship us and pray for mercy. They’ll bow down to us in front of the whole wide world and we’ll be looking down upon them like...
Okay, i should cut this crap. Let’s get to it :
1. Celebrity Sex-Tape Notifier
Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Pamela Anderson, Jordan, what do these celebrities have in common apart from being surreal hot?
Lets face it, we all prefer celebrity stuff to regular porn. There’s a sense of elitism in it. And no one wants to miss out on the newest tape on the web. So how to keep track of it? This Fantasy App will take care of that. It’ll notify you whenever a new celebrity sex-tape is out and give you the link to it’s free download. And after that.... *Bliss*
2. Parent’s Yell Shield
This is one of my personal favs. How many times have we wanted our parents to just stop shouting at us and leave us in peace? I stopped counting once I reached 4065 at the age of 4.
This app will work in tandem with a pair of hidden earphones in your ears. As soon as your parents start yelling, the app will simply start playing your favourite music in your ears.
Your parents will be surprised to find that you actually didn’t get irritated and you’ll be surprised at how pleasant the whole experience will become. I mean, their shouting will literally sound like music to your ears.
3. “USE PROTECTION” App
One for the government to ponder over. The app will start making irritating sounds and flash “USE PROTECTION” as soon as soon as the owner of the phone gets a boner. This only stops when you slip on some rubber, or your device is ‘paired’ with a female device that excuses it from the use protection rule. On making this a compulsory app, this should help with the population and unsafe sex troubles in our country.
On the flipside, things can real messy if you have a tendency of getting boners at the wrong places and wrong times. Think about it.
4. Comeback App
School and college life is all about comebacks. By comebacks i don’t mean the Hollywood-basketball-movie comeback where they inevitably have to score in the last second to win the game after a well fought comeback.
I’m talking about the verbal comebacks.
In school/college there are three kinds of studs, the sportsmen, the chick magnets and the loud comeback kings. The only time all three of them were encompassed in one was when I was born. Haha, lame one no?
That’s why we need this app so badly in this world.
So this app will simply flash the most awesome of comebacks for you to say in a verbal duel. You’ll become the guy/girl they’ll respect, fear and worship. Sorted.
5. Bewada (drunk) App
A much needed app in today’s times. This app will denote as a percentage exactly how drunk you are. Almost all of us keep saying “I’m not high man. Really!” when the truth is for all to see, really!
So this app will give you an electric shock as soon as you cross a set percentage of drunken-ness and you touch a container (glass, mug, jar anything) of alcohol. Also it’ll give you a similar electric shock if you touch the steering of a car. End of the ‘don’t drink and drive’ campaigns forever (they’re every-friggin-where, these ads).
6. Anti Facebook/BBM App
Remember those times during exams when you know you HAVE to study or you’re screwed and still all you do is stalk profiles on facebook or indulge in small talk on your blackberry messenger/whatsapp/texting.
The problem is lack of motivation and drive.
This App will push you to stop sitting online or use your messengers and study. How it’ll be done is something even I dunno :P. Well, I can’t spoon feed the future app developers with everything now. Those over-paid mofos should rack their brains for once.
7. The Period Detective
All you committed guys know how hard your girlfriend’s ‘that time of the month’ is for you. I am a firm believer that woman-folk make sure we boys suffer equally, if not more, during their chums.
The tantrums, the demands, the irritable nature, the emotional instability. We have to deal with all of that or else, NO ACTION!! Dayam!
In case of friends, the irritable nature results in many a weird fights and arguments. Many girls are known to secretly use the periods as an excuse to have their way and be excused for their ridiculous behavior. I mean, no one’s gonna actually check right?
This savior-of-mankind app will tell the owner if a girl is actually having her periods or she’s just generally acting like a bitch with you. So you can decide whether or not to entertain the behaviour.
So these were some of the apps that would make life a beyond awesome experience for us. Specially the first app, OMG!! That one would be making life so sorted. And here i go getting carried away again, damn you Paris Hilton!
So ya, if there are any other fantasy apps that you can come up with, I’m sure they’ll be many, then you can mail us, comment here or just give us a call. Okay, maybe not call us because that’d be really unnecessary and borderline gay if you’re a guy.
Oh, and if you’re a app developer reading this shit, before you act sly and start working on these apps let me just warn you. We have had these ideas copyrighted/patented. Whichever works in this case (always got confused between the two).