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By Kartikeya in Kkover! - On

Long time, long time. Did you miss us brash, politically incorrect, chauvinistic pigs? Yes? Grunts (Awww)!

So we have been on a hiatus for some time now. This was all done to boost our ego. We thought you’d miss us so much that we’ll get “come back please” fan mails and all. Maybe a couple of nude pictures in our inbox begging us to start writing again. None of that happened. Apparently no one missed us. But we did miss us. So we’re back. Booyeah!

During this hiatus we did some experimental stuff. One grew a stubble, tried wearing dhoti and not womanising. The other tried to stay away from intoxicants and land a job. How successful were we? That would make for another cover story.

But we did notice something interesting during our experiments. We noticed how easy it is to pass off as a pervert in public. It’s like a by default characteristic associated to most guys by most girls. Unless you’re a pretty boy with deep dimples. Then you’re just cute. Even if you keep ogling at their mammary glands, you’re given the benefit of a doubt in the female mind. Unfair, I say! How perversion and a person’s looks are related? I could be an ugly gentleman. Or, a really good looking pervert. See, the visual imagination is already difficult for you. It’s just the way we’ve been taught to look at people and judge a book by its cover.

Moral of the story is, every man is not born a pervert. Some of them become perverts through the course of time. How? Maybe one of these ways:

Testosterone Overdose

Some guys are not blessed with a lot of female company since childhood. It is intrinsically important for a boy to grow up with girls around him so that he behaves normally around them and learns to see them as fellow humans and not as a vagina on legs.  This may happen due to growing up in a boy’s school/ boarding.

A lot of boys who are into sports generally show this attribute since they grow up around boys with no inhibitions or shame, at least physically. So when they grow up and still crack the same locker room jokes with girls around, they invariably seem ‘creepy’.


Progesterone Overdose

The counterpart of a testosterone overdose case is the progesterone overdose guy. This guy has had more female company than that advised for having a balanced personality. This could be because of having grown up in a house full of women relatives or having had more female friends in school or college than male. It results in the boy being a little too comfortable around girls, generally causing discomfort to them. Especially during the first impressions, they may totally feel up the girl and appreciate her tautness, leaving her feeling semi molested.


Repression + Deprivation


Desperate situations make desperate people. The making of the worst kind of pervert involves the worst sexual conditions. A lifetime of sexual deprivation and repression makes him believe that a mere touch of a woman’s skin will bring about a mini orgasm in him. This belief becomes so strong subliminally that it sort of becomes a reality for him. All those guys you see intentionally walking into a girl or trying hard to brush their hands against them generally belong to this category. They are hungry for a touch of flesh but extremely cowardly inside.


The Ill Treated Tebel

This is the most interesting scenario of them all. And quite honestly the reason behind this entire piece too. The ill treated rebel is a guy who was never a pervert growing up. He was a normal, well behaved guy, until he started being made to feel like a pervert, by girls. Yes, girls are the ones responsible for this normal guy becoming a pervert. When he asked for directions, a girl ignored him and gave him the stop-finding-reasons-to-talk-to-me-creep look. He was having a goodtime getting drunk with his friends and then he gave a girl a genuine gentlemanly compliment, nothing more. The girl gave him the you’re-a-pervert look again. He was in a crowded place and accidently touched a girl, she gave him that look, followed by a thousand others around. And many other such incidents.

Now imagine these situations happening with an exchange of gender. Will a girl ever be subjected to that look in any of these situations? No. She will get sympathy, help and maybe her next boyfriend out of these very situations. When the ill treated guy realises this, he turns into a perverted rebel to set the balance right. Disgusting, yet true.


The ‘Once-In-A-Moon’er

Man is an animal. No shit! Sometimes his actions come about under a rush of adrenaline, testosterone or alcohol. His behaviour has no other logical explanation or history behind it. It just happens. I know, it comes across more like a comfortable excuse for inappropriate behaviour. But then, our minds have been designed pretty inappropriately by the almighty. This makes the ‘once in a moon’er. We apologise on the behalf of all the ‘once-in-a-moon’ers. Sorry, we got horny.

The point of all this is not to justify a pervert’s behaviour. It is to just to try and get a look into a pervert’s head. And to try and get girls to sometimes give a guy the benefit of the doubt. Even if he is not prince charming. Do that, and see the world change into a beautiful place.

Actually the point of this was to get a cover story done. But it doesn’t hurt to sound like the protector of womankind and mankind alike.


" I don't quite recall an inspiring quote to fill in here right now." Follow me : @Whackkman

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