“The internet used to be a beautiful place. And then Buzzfeed and Scoopwhoop happened.”
- Quote From The Future
That guilty feeling inside you won’t subside for a while, don’t fight it. We made buzzfeed the buzz-kill it is today. All those stupid lists you wanted to post on your friend’s wall because “er-mah-gawd it is soooo us”, have begun to take their toll. The internet has become overpopulated and polluted with lists and fake promises of article headlines. Our collective sins have begun overflowing the pot or as they say in hindi, “tumhaare paapo ka ghada bhar gaya hai!”
To generate an eager click on their article link, online publications across the world have started aping the title framing mechanism of buzzfeed. Take our own local villain Scoopwhoop for instance. Every second article is a list for every third thing in life. ‘17 ways to not look like a douche while talking like a scumbag.‘ ‘13 reasons to go back to college and lose virginity again’. Actually these would make for much better reading than most of their articles.
But then again, that’s just my twisted idea of humor.
I may be twisted, but that’s what the internet promised to all of us. A beautiful place where a piece of bullshit will always be called bullshit (if not worse, much worse). It didn’t matter how powerful, influential or rich a person was. No one was allowed to serve up poop and get away with it. It was a haven for armed crusaders behind a laptop. These crusaders are now watching ‘18 cutest expressions of a cat you will watch today’.
Sensationalism has started infecting our precious online world. It was one of the prime reasons of us growing up to hate TV in the first place. Traditional media stood for everything loud, intrusive and mostly fake. Things we never should have or did care about were shown on primetime of TV and on the front pages of newspapers. This is why we took control of what we wanted to see and sought refuge in the internet. And then, like the humans that we are, we polluted the very place that we owe so much to.
The fake promises of most article titles today reek of desperate attention for clicks. Worst part is that our pseudo intellectual selves actually end up clicking on most of these. How many of these do we actually read in their entirety? How many of the ones we read really make us ‘blow our mind’ or ‘change the way we look at things’? Or how many of these lists are exhaustive in nature? In the list of '17 ways of being friendzoned', can I not think of an 18th way and be right? Cut to the chase, reading things like '41 reasons eating pizza is better than being in a relationship' are making this world a dumber place than it already is. That scares me.
It’s still not too late, fellow Neech log. Let’s start a cleanup drive, a revolution if you may. The internet needs to be purified again. Every time you are tempted to click on that link of ‘this is the most beautiful thing you will see today’, hold on, watch some beautiful porn. It’s illegal and it’s free. That fulfills all the criteria to make it more beautiful and much more satisfying. Do not give in. Do NOT click on these lists anymore. Your life is NOT DEFINED BY A FUCKING LIST! Just like your sense of humor is not represented by a cat meme. Now sign the petition below and make this happen.
Just kidding. I hate lame online petitions even more. But I shall rant about that later. Long live the internet!