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By Dhanesh Gandhi in Skkreen! - On

The author though flattered holds no responsibility if you were found sitting in a compromising position after reading the article. Read at your own risk.

Deconstruction of the title: Most of you have heard of Hollywood even bollywood(Sunny deol says fuck you to the Ms spell check which doesn’t think bollywood is a legit word).Kollywood is the movie industry in Tamil Nadu.

SAX: Saxophone based music often widely prevalent in genre such as jazz.

Reason for their juxtaposition next to each other: Music is sax-ually abused in the depiction of love making in Indian Cinema. In many Indian sex scene there ought to be a painful rendition of Careless Whisper as the BGM
Now the article is NSFW (Not safe for work) and a genuine request to the Ladies. Don’t hate me/Whackk! any more than usual.

From forced cross pollination to trailers which could give Digvijay Singh a hard on, Indian movies sure has come a long way in depicting sex/uality”.



Now let us look at how stereotyped our friends from the nether parts of India view/portray sex on celluloid

1. Bold Scenes: Now I think bollywood has moved on from this cliché. You know that when audience notices Emraan Hashmi’s shaved armpit rather than Jacqueline Fernandez’s jugs. In Bombay sex is so commercialized to an extent that the only reaction that a raunchy scene can garner from a male is this.

So in Bollywood Sex is actually an overdose. But Tamil industry is still wrapped in a bubble. Explain me this, how is portrayal of a sensual, aquiline and shapely woman in bare minimum considered bold?

I mean we were shameless about a decade back where fat women were depicted as voluptuous sexy. I mean some of them had cankles (calf and ankles overlapped). We had a crowd of 50 dancing behind the lead actors in webby square, without remorse or regret. That was bold. Nada, the current branding of Actress has a bold scene doesn’t hold true.

2. “As long as the script demands it, I don’t mind being sexy”.
Whenever an upcoming (smoking) actress gives an interview, there is one ubiquitious question that always escapes the lips of the interviewer. Would you do bold scenes? The clichéd answer-As long as the screen demands it?
Now in all fairness there are very few actresses who seem to be good judges of a script. So the director gets away with any ridiculous excuse for a plot and the boldness comes to life

3. Confusing sex and food: This is what I hate the most. As you see southern India has more of a market for spices. Tropical region-> proximity to sea->moisture overdose hence the need to spice foods to increase shelf life. But why would you confuse food with women? I mean they are chalk and cheese. In the below video the hero shuffles between playing on Genelia’s waist and then ogling at a tomato. Yes a tomato.




Dear producer, when you want to show raunchiness on the screen. Stick to skin. Don’t give out a recipe on how to make a bhelpuri.

4. Midriff obsession: Movie makers and fans in Tamil and southern movie Industry in general have an unhealthy gross as it comes obsession with women’s navel. Stop it. Even tiger wood doesn’t focus that much on them holes. It is not compulsory for every actress to flaunt it. Every actress has their own niche; it is biceps for Bipasha Basu and man shoulders for Esha deol. Focus on that and men would throng the theatres like gujju’s to a rocking concert of Falguni pathak.

5. The hallowed act in itself: It’s either the foreplay or the after screw verbiage. I mean we invented Kamasutra, why not dabble more in the act itself. How is it insensitive to show the act itself, but showing what happens before and after acceptable?Holier than thou directors this way of direction as “My scenes are meant to be sensual not sexual”. But for the most audience two verbs are as different between a potato and a poteto. I mean just look at the population or at Laloo Prasad’s ration card.
Kids become perverted at a very young age. I had a monster crush for Daphney from Scooby doo and I was in 3rd grade.

Disney sells sex in cartoons as Mattel Inc sells barbie. Dear Kollywood, you are not going to add oil to fire or one of your stupid metaphors which might lead to a calamitous ending with increased instances of teenage pregnancy.

The government thinks that kids are spoiled by lewd actions shown in Tamil movie industry. Seriously if you teach a Martian as a lesson for “Screwing for dummies” by showcasing tamil sex scenes, our population would be at a constant. Like Venkatesh prasad’s bowling speed at 75 kmph.

So before our genial female fans mail me pink chaddis and call whackk a sexist magazine, I prefer boxers and the ones without the polka dots. I would be delighted if they are Hanes. It is for the love of women and a morbid distaste for the naivety in depiction of Indian sexuality on celluloid that triggered this write up.


Dhanesh Gandhi

My name is Dhanesh Gandhi. I am a computer programmer by the day and terribly bored by the night. I eventually admitted to my self that I can never be a super hero. So I tend to write stuff which tickle my gray matter. I love politics, trashy movie, trashier movie stars, people,cricket,football and computers.

I hate apologists, paper towels, Radio jockeys,water filter conversations and a lot more. I hope to entertain my readers with my worthy literature. Or at least which I think is worthy. If not please feel free to rebuke, punch, scratch and kick me. I would like to hear your comments. I usually get people all worked up when they hear me speak or read. May be I should have a job at Gold's gym.But that is an after thought.

  Peace /m\

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