Facebook’s latest feature, the timeline, as Chritsopher Poshin David (a writer/intern here, no biggie) says, “is some pretty decent shit!”
We couldn’t agree more. But then we activated on our own profiles and soon realised this is just one big ploy by the Facebook people to make it easier for everyone to see our extremely embarrassing and immature pasts. When we still used words like ‘lolzzz’.
This new thing got us thinking. Thinking about all those timelines we could not see. Thinking about India’s very own timeline. Then we were like, hey, let’s make our own!
So here we are. India’s timeline from 2011 to 2000. The good, the bad and the ugly from each year. Why haven’t we done years prior to 2000? Because, c--tiya hai kya?! I have to try getting laid also!
The Good - World Champions
The Indian Cricket team managed to win the Cricket World Cup hosted by your own lovely country and its neighbours. As soon as the win happened, the whole country burst out into unanimous celebrations and partied like they have never partied before! What more could we ask for?
The Bad - KLPD
Poonam Pandey, a wannabe starlet/model, promised to go commando, for the whole country to bask in her happiness, if the men in blue brought home the coveted Cricket World Cup.
Fortunately we did win it. Unfortunately she did not keep her end of the promise. KLPD dena koi isse seekhe.
The Ugly - Let Them Have Cake
Anna Hazare single handedly (with the help of a few ten thousand Indians) managed to scare the shit out of the Indian government. They (Government) did not want to a repeat performance from Baba Ramdev’s army of elderly people and yoga lovers so they put him in jail.
Then, in a proper ‘let them have cake’ moment, they did the same thing with Anna before he could even begin his second fast
The Good - Cockiness
Hahahahaha. Yes. Cocky bunch of people we are! Whackk! was founded in June, 2010. The world as we know it (mostly consisting of Facebook and Internet porn) has never be the same again.
The Bad - Dabanggness
The release and consequent success of Dabangg has brought down the level of bollywood to... hmm.. tollywood (?)
Over the top heroic heroes and dumbed down damsels in not so much distress are all these portray.
The Ugly - Scam-mess
Enough has been said about it since the history of ever. Or since last year. Wanna see our article about it? But we insist. Please. Just click the link already!
The Good - Homo Power
The Delhi Court made history for India when it decriminalised Section 377 which basically penalised you for being gay.
No, you were never being penalised for being happy.
The Bad - UPA (in) Power
Although we wouldn’t know it then (how could we? Only hindsight is 20/20) bringing the UPA back into power would be our undoing. Seems like so many of us shouldn’t have voted after all. Collectively we all just cause cockups!
The Ugly - Terror Power
The sole survivor among the terrorists of the November 2008 attack on Mumbai, Kasab is tried for his.. terrorising.. acts. He pleads guilty, then switches stories. So much sadness.
The Good - Medal meri saason, meri baaton mein....
2008 was a good year for sports in India! A gold and two bronze metals in the Beijing summer Olympics is some nicer than decent shit, wouldn’t you agree?
The Bad - Peace Pause
Just when we thought things were going fine between us, Pakistan decided to do something crazy, like it always does. Enter a bunch of terrorists who go on to strike some serious terror for three days in our hearts.
Unfortunately, politics takes centre stage and what-could-have-been-an-epic-match is canceled.
I know, the hyphenated words were unnecessary, but is that all you got out of this?
The Ugly - Cause of Pause
The Mumbai terror attack has already been mentioned twice in here. That’s how ugly it was.
Some cool person : hey man sup?
India (in 2007) : nm.
India (in 2007) : Oh btw, I got a new President. Female and all. The last one was much more rad though.
Some cool person : 1967 called. He wants ‘rad’ back. Lolzzz.
The Good - I Can't Believe I am Saying This
The release of Krrish by the Roshan father-son duo gave India the confidence that we could make superhero movies too. C’mon, it was a rather nice attempt, no?
Unfortunately, it lead to debacles such as this :
2006 was also the year one of India's biggest reality shows started airing. Bigggg Bossss. The shows main aim in life was to become the center of wannabe land.
Oh wait, that's the main aim of every reality show. Facepalm.
The Ugly - Yes, Again
Terror struck again in the form of serial blasts in trains during rush hour. Turns out terror attacks in Mumbai are a pretty common thing. But, you already knew that.
The Good - Defeats Evil
This is big! Or probably not. I am a Bihari, can’t help it mayne.
Nitish Kumar was finally able to defeat Laloo Prasad Yadav’s RJD and drive him out of the state.
The Bad - Strikes Again!
Turns out terror attacks in Delhi too are a pretty common thing..
The Ugly - ness is caused on Earth's face
This mega earthquake rocked India and Pakistan and lead to the death of thousands of people. A very dark time, indeed.
As silver lining, this disaster did somewhat help in strengthening ties between the two nations.
To show that the government does actually care, they decided to have a nice chai-biskoot meeting with Kashmiri separatists who don’t like being too extreme.
Then they decided to pull off troops from the Kashmiri border to tell Pakistan we are too badass to care about a couple of your militants entering our country from there.
Yes. This was it. The defining moment. Emraan Hashmi and Mallika Sherawat shot to fame with the release of Murder. Although the movie was a surprise hit, it still remains a surprise these two are still acting.
This got really ugly. A major earthquake somewhere in the oceans triggered huge tidal waves, which now everybody knows are called Tsunamis, killing thousands of people and causing destruction that would have caused you to wet your pants if you were there.
Of course, if you were there to witness it, wet pants would have been the least of your worries. Nobody would have noticed the difference.
The Indian cricket team had been performing exceptionally poorly in almost all the matches and a lot of fuel was being wasted in burning the players’ effigies. Realising that fuel doesn’t come cheap, they decided to up their performance a little and managed to reach the finals against Australia in the Cricket World Cup hosted in South Africa. They lost, but hey, we are forgiving people, right.
The cricket craze among Indians is definitely a very bad thing. We end up ignoring so many other things. Like Himesh Reshammiya. He shot to stardom with the Salman Khan starrer, Tere Naam. One hit song after another, a billion nasal performances that sound like anal rapes and a zillion pimped out rickshaws later, Himesh has decided to take his talent international. You read right. Watch this :
Previously mentioned Himesh also composed music for a movie called Chura Liyaa Hai Tumne (conveniently translated by Wikipedia as ‘Captured By You’) and had an item song called Mohabbat Hai Mirchi. That was actually an alright song. Not bad y’know.
Except, the item girl was Rakhi Sawant. YES!
Indian Presidents tend to be quiet and in general totally un-inspiring. A total departure from these characteristics was Avul Pakir Jainulabdeen Abdul Kalam (yes, yes, Wikipedia zindabad). He was not only a charismatic and dynamic personality, he was also a very inspiring person that the people of India could look up to!
The Bad and The Ugly
Nothing badder or uglier could have happened that year that could have overshadowed the communal riots in Gujarat. Triggered after an attack on a train carrying devotees, the situation could not be brought under control for a long time.
Was a remarkably unremarkable year. Like 2007. People couldn’t have cared less about anything else.
India finally becomes No. 1 at something. Oh wait. It’s only the population.
ONE FUCKING BILLION!!!!!!!
End of the first year of the new millennium saw the launch of K serials by Ekta Kapoor’s Balaji Telefilms. The sole cause of millions of unproductive housewives and me wanting to put a fist through my television.