It's not possible.
No matter how much of a stud you are;
No matter how popular among friends and family and beyond you may be;
No matter how much of the world you may be ruling; it's just not possible:
You can't have a not-hideous sex face.
One would think that only a seemingly heartless woman with no feelings or respect whatsoever can think or say something like this. But it's true. The urban Dictionary defines Sex Face as 'The stupid ass face you make leading to busting a nut'.
It's exactly that - A Stupid Ass Face.
Once one is over the frills and thrills of making out and sex, in general, does one realize that the sheer expression while at it is hilarious, to say the least. That one fine day when one probably booty calls not for the purposes of hormonal satisfaction particularly but because one just wants to experience the feel of one's new pair of denims being pulled off for cheap thrills and hence the focus on the action is not completely enthusiastic. It is then when you're struck by enlightenment about the glaring fact. And you'd think that something that's indicative of the pleasure quotient of the moment is going to be so much more interesting and/or interested looking. I get all the shut eyes and the cursing and the lip bites (?) and the curling toes, but the face on its own could be quite the buzz-kill.
It's a strange look encompassing everything from fear, disgust, repulsion, pain, agony... basically, everything. Everything but lust. Or love. Or any of their versions.
I, for one, am appalled.
So based on extensive surveys conducted among a lot of people who’re sexually very active (and some not so!), I have put together the top three sex faces of all times. Don’t be too shocked if you find a version of your own in the following. Of course, that only stands true if you’ve had any luck in the getting laid department. But then, that’s another story.
So here goes:
All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely (co)incidental.
1. THE VEG MOMO FACE
Oh! I didn’t make up the name or anything. It exists. That awkward moment when your face starts looking like a vegetable momo when you’re at the climax of a rather eventful session is pretty epic. It’s like a really hard pout; so hard that you cringe your nose to the best of your abilities, purse your lips, frown and hence, end up looking like a.. Yea.. veg momo.
2. THE ANGRY YOUNG MAN FACE
I am not known to be sexist at all. And I understand how it might be a little offensive to my sex that the name of this face doesn’t incorporate us women. But hey! I don’t make the rules here. Or names! I can’t help it if some crazy Bollywood fan wanted to pick on the famous BigB reference from his hay days. This face is usually made during ‘anal’ times and hence, you can only guess why the word ‘angry’ made it to name.
3. THE LiLo FACE
Personally, I always thought Lindsay Lohan was just as cool as ‘Britney Biatch’ and her other contenders. Only, she never got her due. Here at Whackk, we are nothing if we aren’t about giving people their due. Hence, the grand name.
One laughs, as much as one thinks is appropriate, at a guy's sex face and then enlightenment strikes again; one then thinks of one's own possible sex face. Sigh.