And we’re back with another list to kill your post coital buzz. These are the men, who’ve ignored our personality (knockers) and have gone over to the hairy, less softer side. They’ve left us with a bunch of mediocre men who know nothing about good shoes and perfect tie- shirt combinations. Last list managed to send you ladies into a pit of hopelessness and lesbianism. This list will send you reaching for the nearest blade. We’ve also realised that our main keywords on Google search were found to be hot, straight, no shirt, chest.
Anyway, here’s another round of men whom we’re very disappointed in. WHY?! WILL WE NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!
But no. It’s our fault. The signs were staring right at our faces while our faces were staring at their shiny bodies. What signs you say? Here are some made up signs.
After multiple hopeful interviewers grilling him about his sexual orientation, he got tired and confessed "I am gay, and I'm very comfortable with it". Adam remains one of the few gay celebrities who are blatantly open about what goes on behind their doors, and still manage to have a huge amount of female fan following.
3. The fact that he said he was gay.
Adamgasm: The peak of one's sexual excitation caused by anything that involves Adam Lambert and his ultra sexiness
2 babies and 100 stunning women later, Ricky confirmed our fears and admitted that he was a secure homosexual man. In retrospect, it seemed like Rick was trying to tell us that he was gay all along- Pouts to the hoops in his ears to that perfect shade of lipstick. But the end of one’s career is always a good time to make news.
Here’s a dull interview which people expected years ago.
1. Reinforcing the stereotypical notion that gay men dress like drag queens.
2. He always wanted to share towels. Always, always.
3. Before he became a sensation, he was a happy boy in a boy band called Menudo.
Although he’s never admitted to it, John’s various man lovers have come forward, claiming that they’d been subjected to John’s ‘passionate, yet gentle’ groping. This seems believable because John and wife, Kelly have been resorting to therapy to make their marriage survive. Survive her lack of chest hair we reckon.
1. The fact that he was okay playing a woman in Hairspray.
2. He dances too perfectly in Grease.
For the idiots who claim that everything except heavy metal is gay, what do you have to say about Rob?! Eh? He’s probably one of the manliest men alive! Suck it now.
1. His hardcore metal/biker/S&M style. Was the look a result of his frustration of being in the closet for so long?
2. Lyrics, which in retrospect were totally about him
Crouching in the corner
Wound up as a spring..
3.Is there something as too virile to be straight? Well then, that’s him.
DUMBLEDORE (On popular demand)
JK Rowling, out of boredom or something, got up one day and announced that Dumbledore was gay. Why did she have to do it? He was too old for us to care about his orientation anyway. Plus everyone awesome has turned out to be gay. So we subconsciously suspected that Dumbledore was one all along.
1. His love connection with Grindelwald.
2. This random website says 'Albus Dumbledore' becomes 'Male bods rule, bud!'".
Ok. We’ll take it. Because nice male bods do rule…bud.
3. His robes, hair, beard were totally in.
In other news, Justin Beiber is as straight as a stripper’s pole. Good god universe!
Next up, detailed story on the Whackk! owners and their “we’re just good friends” status.