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By Kartikeya in Wickked! - On

 

 

Boss/Bhaiya/Bhaisaab xyz chaloge?
*Drives off*

  I don’t react too well to rejections. My parents, the women who’ve been in my life and my friends know that fact very well. I’m sure many of you reading this dislike being rejected. However, lately I’ve been involuntarily subjected to a rejection-acceptance therapy. This therapy allows me to deal with rejection much better and keep trying till I succeed. This therapy is offered free of cost by our friendly ghetto Rickshaw and Cab drivers. I now deal with rejection everyday. I wish this was an exaggeration. Thanks to this therapy by our RnC (Rickshaw and Cab) Drivers, I am now fearlessly upfront with the girls I want to do the chiggy-wiggy with. This is probably my fourth article around RnC but this is my homage to these guys who’ve made me a better man.

The cloud of failure comes with a silver lining of learning. I’ve developed a full-proof method of ensuring you never go home walking. This method has come from years of experience and observations. Lend me your eyes.

1) Show some leg

If you’re a female, you know the drill.

 

 

If you’re a man, you learn the drill. RnC drivers love some eye candy. If I sit down and count the number of times a cabbie has rejected me for a hot girl standing ten feet away, I’d get really old and die. So next time when you’re fighting to score a rickshaw in a crowd, make sure you flash your waxed leg (goes for men too) from the distance. Next thing you know, the rickshaw will stop right next to you much to the chagrin of the other rejects.

 

 

You get in and make the most of this opportunity. You go home.

2) Carry CnG/Petrol/Diesel

This will take your driver for a pleasant surprise. One of their favourite excuse is “gas bharane ka hai!”. Once you say “Arre mere paas hai na. Yeh lo!”, he’ll probably fall in love with you, let alone drop you home. This one is relatively untested. Please drop a comment below if you tried this and it worked. And if doesn’t work then you know how to use that petrol productively, right?

 

 

3) “Andar Tak Nahi Jaana Hai”

No, this is not a ‘that’s what she said’ joke. This is a matter of serious concern in the RnC community. Remember all those ties you were told “Par andar tak nahi jayega” for not taking you right to your ‘Welcome Home’ mat? That’s either because you live in some kopcha that the driver is too townie for or he just won’t be able to get another passenger from there. You make his life easier by saying “Bhaiya Sunsan Gali jaana hai. Aap bahar hi chhod dena. Andar tak aane ki taqleef mat karna.” Sold! His reaction will be like

 

 

4) Go wherever they want to go

 One of my favourite conversation starters with RnC drivers is to ask them where they want to go. It takes them by surprise and makes my life easier. No matter where they are going, I just hop in and say “Arre mujhe bhi wahin jaana hai. Chalo raste mein chhod dena”. You get off and walk away after saying thank you like it was a friendly favour from him. You obviously don’t have to pay for a friendly favour. Though you could go ahead do the

 

 

5) Carry Change, Always

 Show him a bag full of coins and say “Maalik! Jitna thha sab laaya hoon”.

 

 

6) Portray the promise of a make out session

 

Horny looking couples generally get rickshaws very easily. It’s probably the worst kept secret. Even if you are not actually going to make out, giving those vibes will go a long way in scoring a ride back home (pun unintended).

7) Be Chatty

 

 

 RnC drivers are more social beings than most of you who claim to be social media savvy. They absolutely love sharing worldly wisdom with you. Strike a shallow conversation with a RnC driver next time and probably he’ll soon become your regular guy. Tip – Conversations about inflation ‘mehengai’ are almost always a hit.

8) Buy a Rickshaw 

And hire a driver. You’ll face rejection again.  Not even from a girl. Rickshaws are in and are definitely limited edition rides.

Kartikeya

" I don't quite recall an inspiring quote to fill in here right now." Follow me : @Whackkman

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